Here it goes again, my world slipping through my finger tips. There it goes. I already know it’s no use to grasp at the liquid threads running through my fingers. It was so beautiful too, even now as it falls apart it might be the most magical it’s ever looked. So many colors and all the pearlescent hopes and dreams sliding away mixing and swirling. What’s left in my hand is less wonderful, but still…
I look closer and it’s all in there, the colors and the sparkle, the wondrous pattern that chance created out of what I held so tightly seems almost better than before. It is freer than I ever could have created myself. There’s my past mixed in, adding shiny flecks here and there, there’s something I don’t recognize. It’s my future and it’s still moving and working its way throughout. It’s making connections and dissolving others. It’s growing into something so strange and unexpected.
It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen; right here in my hands I hold everything. Just when I thought I’d lost it all. This is me, and no one else. It’s what I want and where I have been. It’s just me, and no one is there to hide it away. Not even myself.
I have the sudden urge to scream and to throw it as high as I can…I feel like I might just burst and shoot out across the universe faster than light. I toss it as high as I can. Now it’s free, now the colors and glitter and light are free. It’s so much brighter and quicker than I had ever imagined. It’s flitting here and there and leaving a trail of beauty in its wake. It’s me, and it’s free. There I go and here I come. I’m painting my world for me. I’m nothing but color and light and dripping whirling paint. I’m everywhere at once and nowhere at all. Now I know who I am and I’ll never lose it again. The world won’t change me, I will change it.